The AQUARIUS Employee
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you’re at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a teortray in the sky.
You shouldn’t have any trouble spotting your Aquarian employee. He’s the one with all the friends. You know, the one who forgot his brief case this morning-the same man who casually dropped in your office last month to borrow your fountain pen and left behind a production idea which has saved your company $30,000 in overtime so far, according to the latest check by the auditor.
It should also be a snap to remember the day you hired him. He’s that fellow you thought came in to sell you a box at Yankee Stadium-then you decided he was soliciting funds for Shakespeare-in-the-Park, finally figured he was taking one of those political polls-and didn’t realize until after he left that he had actually stopped by to apply for a job. If you don’t remember him, it’s five-to-one your secretary does. Aquarius men seem to make an instant and lasting impression on women, even those who look like neglected, underfed puppy dogs with figures loosely resembling Ichabod Crane’s.
Some people might jump to the hasty conclusion this is the mother-instinct, but they would be wrong. The real Uranus attraction for females is the Aquarian’s absolute indifference to their existence. It drives them to distraction. He’s a challenge they can’t resist – so they either retaliate by trying to vamp him or by snubbing him back, neither of which makes the slightest impression on your Aquarian employee. He can be totally blind to a female co-worker for weeks, literally not seeing her, then one fine spring morning suddenly startle her with the information that her eyes are the exact shade of a robin’s egg he once found in a tree, and she’s gone. I mean, completely lost. She may not type a word the rest of the day.
They are sober, cool, aloof and removed from the mad world around them
Life with an Aquarian employee can be exhilarating and leave you a little breathless. It’s not that they’re extroverts or flamboyant or practical jokers. Quite the reverse. Many Aquarians are sober, cool, aloof and removed from the mad world around them. The only trouble is that they’ve removed themselves fifty years ahead, and when they rocket back to the present every few days or so, they’ve bagged some unusual ideas from the stratosphere. If you’re a smart boss, you’ll invite the Uranus man to your office for a chat once a week. It could be profitable. Who knows what you might pick up? When he tells you in the proper technical language exactly what’s wrong with that loose screw under the fourth bolt in the new machine that keeps breaking down, you may start to wonder if he has been to Mars and back since you saw him on the elevator yesterday. Especially after you check personnel records and see that he didn’t take a course in science or mechanics at college. Still, the informal conference with him may not always turn out so profitably. He may leave after that little confidential talk with your check for a few thousand dollars for the preservation of Basketball on Indian Reservations-or the Research Society for Investigating Psychic Phenomena in Smyrna.
The Aquarian interests are worldwide
Chances are this seemingly quiet, brilliant and friendly young man won’t stay around long enough for you to remember his face. The Aquarian male will either begin at the top, work his way up there in a few weeks, decide to go it alone as a composer, photographer, ornithologist, dancer, singer, clown, writer, juggler, athlete, geologist, radio or TV announcer, etc.-or leave you to drift from job to job “looking for himself.” Someday he’ll find himself, too. When he does, he usually stays in one place for a lifetime. Until that moment of truth, however, our Uranus-ruled friends spend a period of time just roaming around, experimenting, learning, looking, investigating, and picking up new friends.
He’s not sentimental by nature.
He’s not sentimental by nature. He has a scientific attitude, but there’s also a strong interest in people, what makes them laugh and what makes them cry. An Aquarian does not lean toward emotionalism (except rarely when he’s in the clutch of an eccentric rush of behavior, perhaps a reaction to some very disturbing personal experience). Unfortunately, his ideas and opinions are often considered irrational and impractical, but that’s just because his critics aren’t tuned to his frequency-half a century ahead. Imagine how your grandmother felt when some Aquarian back in the nineties tried to describe color television and astronauts landing on the moon. That gives you a fair idea of the reception Uranus-ruled people get today when they start in on their theory of a time machine, and how it could be designed with safety valves so a defective switch won’t get you lost somewhere in 1770.
You may notice the Aquarius employee with a different friend each week or so. It’s difficult for him to be satisfied with any one individual at a time, since his sympathies run into so many channels. It’s common for him, therefore, to give more friendship than he receives.
The first thing you may have to do is decide which kind of Aquarian you have employed. There’s only one basic Uranus type-but there are two ways in which the Aquarian nature can manifest itself. The first kind is the suave, pipe-smoking professor type, with a relaxed manner and not a few eccentric habits, who lives in an elegant but curious apartment full of Egyptian mummies, a tree from India planted in the center of the room, bells from Sumatra, 16th Century tables and early American rockets, plus a mod painting or two and maybe an old airplane propeller hanging over the fireplace. He dines on gourmet foods like roasted grasshoppers and steak tartar with ants’ eggs sprinkled on top. He’s usually brilliant.
The other kind lives in a tiny room over the subway, eats mustard sandwiches and watches his favorite TV show on the first set ever manufactured. He scatters his inventions all over the corner table, picks out tunes on a dusty piano, and washes the dishes once a week. He is also brilliant. The trouble is, when you get them both out in normal society, it’s hard to tell the difference.
The Aquarius Employee is a conscientious worker
Both are conscientious workers. Both have a high degree of intelligence, as well as uncanny perception and a fine sensitivity to everyone around them. They each soak up knowledge while appearing to be engrossed in some abstract theory. Their memories are weak but their intuitive powers more than make up for it. They’re extremely odd in their habits, kind and sympathetic, usually very courteous, and they wear unusual combinations of clothing. They’re each loyal, honest and have a strict code which is never violated.
Both are bachelors, and they number about five thousand good friends each, ranging from Leonard Bernstein and Joe Namath to Scarface Al and Minnie, the apple lady who’ takes numbers. So you see? An Aquarian is an Aquarian. A pipe, a mustard sandwich or a couple of Egyptian mummies between a couple of lotus trees have nothing at all to do with it.
He’s utterly trustworthy with company secrets
You can be safe in assuming your Aquarian worker is giving you a full day’s work for his pay. Although he’s probably the real cause of your secretary’s severe skin rash her doctor can’t diagnose or cure, he may end up on the front page of The New York Times someday, being presented with a plaque or something and you can say “I knew him when.” He can also contribute some pretty sane, concrete thinking to your firm which will possibly even result in bringing it up to the Twentieth Century. He’s utterly trustworthy with company secrets, and probably the best customer’s man you can find, because he’ll make friends with your coldest client and wonder why everyone thought he was so tough to deal with. To the Aquarian, he’s just another human with some intriguing aspect to his personality to be uncovered with a few polite, direct questions and a little observation.
This Aquarius employee isn’t likely to nudge you constantly for a raise, because money is usually down there on the bottom of his list, along with women. But he’s shrewd enough to know his worth, and it wouldn’t be wise to take advantage of him. He may cause some raised eyebrows, but he’ll seldom cause any scandal or petty office gossip. You won’t find him filled with much intense, driving ambition, yet he has one of the finest minds in the zodiac. If you should decide he knows enough to make him your partner, he’ll never steal the business from you and he can be a most decided asset, possibly even bring worldwide prestige to the firm someday.